Excerpt from personal diary:
I am so exhausted and discouraged and overwhelmed by school that I think I can’t even absorb it anymore. All I want to think about are all the lovely bits of these past few days, and just pretend school doesn’t exist.
And now I wonder why I feel that’s so wrong to do.
Not pretending school doesn’t exist. All too unfortunately, it does, and there’s no escaping its frustrating and bewildering presence in my life… in the same way that it was impossible, as a grandkid in my family, to escape my Baba’s annual birthday present of a 6-pack of men’s white sport socks, regardless of your gender.
No, why is it so wrong to concentrate primarily on the lovely things in life, to give headspace-priority to that which simply makes you happy? I love life. I have chosen school as a part of my life, and I have great love for it as well. But somewhere along the line, I have lost sight of the fact that it does not have to consume all my focus in order to remain important in my life. I am not less productive, less intelligent, or less accomplished if I am simply happy.
Knowing me as I know me, if I was never academically productive, I wouldn’t be very happy either. But sometimes, productivity is not a measure of living a day successfully. Things still need to get done. Life is still crazy, frustrating, overwhelming. But I do not need to feel guilty if I’m not thinking about the overwhelming-ness 24 hours a day (I actually woke myself up this morning 2 hours before my alarm, thinking about all the things I still needed to get done).
I need to take the time to be happy. Because no one else is going to do it for me.
p.s. I also, apparently, need to take the time to write my posts ahead of time: I apologize for my tardiness!!