The making of the Old-timers

Excerpt from personal diary:

I am so exhausted and discouraged and overwhelmed by school that I think I can’t even absorb it anymore. All I want to think about are all the lovely bits of these past few days, and just pretend school doesn’t exist.

And now I wonder why I feel that’s so wrong to do.

Not pretending school doesn’t exist. All too unfortunately, it does, and there’s no escaping its frustrating and bewildering presence in my life… in the same way that it was impossible, as a grandkid in my family, to escape my Baba’s annual birthday present of a 6-pack of men’s white sport socks, regardless of your gender.

No, why is it so wrong to concentrate primarily on the lovely things in life, to give headspace-priority to that which simply makes you happy? I love life. I have chosen school as a part of my life, and I have great love for it as well. But somewhere along the line, I have lost sight of the fact that it does not have to consume all my focus in order to remain important in my life. I am not less productive, less intelligent, or less accomplished if I am simply happy.

Knowing me as I know me, if I was never academically productive, I wouldn’t be very happy either. But sometimes, productivity is not a measure of living a day successfully. Things still need to get done. Life is still crazy, frustrating, overwhelming. But I do not need to feel guilty if I’m not thinking about the overwhelming-ness 24 hours a day (I actually woke myself up this morning 2 hours before my alarm, thinking about all the things I still needed to get done).

I need to take the time to be happy. Because no one else is going to do it for me.


p.s. I also, apparently, need to take the time to write my posts ahead of time: I apologize for my tardiness!!


One thought on “The making of the Old-timers

  1. I love you!

    This entry voices my sentiments so well, I am stunned we’re not the same person. Maybe one of these days that will cease to amaze me….then again, it might just keep surprising me forever.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s