“Aqua seafoam shame”

-Nirvana, All apologies

Sorry I missed my post yesterday.  I would tell you that I was sick (which I am), or that I didn’t have access to a computer (which i didn’t), but, to be completely honest, I forgot.  Booo! Hisssss!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about so many things.  Mostly about myself (and no it’s not “oh, you handsome man” while staring into a mirror) and my life.  As you probably don’t know, my girlfriend and broke up in August; about a week before our three year anniversary.  The reasons for this were, like everything that happens to anyone, complicated.  I’ll try to explain as briefly as possible while trying my best not to belittle her side of everything.  You see- she wanted security.  I know the stereotypical idea of men and commitment, and it only partially applies.  She didn’t want me to ask her to marry me.  She didn’t have to move in together right away (although saying that she would have liked to would be understating).  All she wanted was to know that eventually these things would happen.  Living together… marriage… kids… she wanted it to be ourplan, not just her plan.  The problem arising from this was that I had recently decided that this was not my plan.  The last two things specifically.  I don’t want to get married.  I have decided that I do not want it.  For various reasons ranging from political (I think that while we not only withhold rights, but actively revoke basic fundamental rights of US citizens, while others are not just enjoying the benefits of these rights, but exploiting them with absolutely no regard for the hypocrisy, it’s… just kind of a dick move) to religious (I am an athiest by the way, so anybody that rants about the sanctity of anything in a political forum just gives me a case of the red-ass) to personal.  So i’m not really to big on the marriage thing.  I have also come to the conclusion lately, and don’t know how permanent it will stay with me, that I don’t really want to have kids.  My reasons are a bit selfish- I don’t want to have to deal witha freakin’ kid.  I like kids.  I like working with them, teaching them, learning from them, making them smile.  They are very cute.  But I don’t want one.

This is where things go a little south.  There is something about me that you probably don’t know.  I have a daughter.

Technically.  You see, my sister and her girlfriend decided about five years ago (after being together for about ten years) that they wanted a kid.  Well, if you actually just read that sentence, a general knowledge of human anatomy will lead you to the conclusion that, as they say, “you can’t make an omelet…” wait, no… “two lefts don’t make a right…” no… “if you want something done right…” that’s not it either.  I can’t remember exactly, but it’s something about two lady-parts not being able to make a baby.  So about four years after she had asked me if i would help them, and nine months before April 11th, 2008, I dropped off a container of what I shouldn’t (but can only) describe as ‘sausage frosting’.  And after I left, they did whatever people do with baby in a semi-liquid state.  So now there is a baby.  My niece, Kinsey.  Not my daughter, my niece.  And I have no problem differentiating.

But when a person wants a baby, and you don’t, but you already have one, but it’s not really yours, I understand how things can be confusing.  So that was another part of the whole ordeal.

Well, with all of this in my life, coupled with problems I’m having with my family… Well, I suppose I should say: problems I have with my family… All I can think about is that there really are two sides to everything.  There are more perspectives than just your own.  Most people don’t really think in context of their own situations this way, but offer it up freely as quotable advice.

Well, I apologize for flaking.  I figured if any of us were going to do it, it would most likely be me.  So at least we’re living up to our expectations = ) Have a great weekend. 

Kisses!

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