Me also likes to make things awkward

Here is a moment from earlier today that I very much enjoyed:

In the Student Center

ME: Do you mind if I sit here?

HER: No, no. Go ahead.

ME: Thanks. Sits down and takes out a book (Birds of America, stories by Lorrie Moore) and starts reading.

HIM: Can I sit here?

HER: Yeah. Sure.

ME: still reading

HIM: Do you two know each other?

ME: No.

HER: No.

HIM: Damn. Sorry. That’s awkward.

ME: Why is that awkward?

HIM: Because you didn’t know each other.

ME: I knew I didn’t know her when I sat down. How’s that awkward?

HIM: I like to make things awkward for people. I just don’t like it when it’s done to me.

ME: Hm. Continues reading.

Him and Her talk. Acutally, Him talks more than Her. Her tries to signal that she doesn’t want to talk by texting on Her’s phone incessantly. Him asks Her what kind of music Her listens to, and then asks if Her wants to listen to Him’s music that Him has recorded. Him makes a strange comment about a childhood ear infection and hands Her Him’s headphones. Her listens. Her and Him talk about the music, which Me assumes, by certain references made, is some sort of hip hop. 

HIM: What kind of music do YOU listen to?

ME: I love country. And Christian Rock.

HIM: Oh. Want to listen anyway?

ME: I’m not sure I should. Do you use profanity?

HIM: Yes…

ME: No thanks.

HIM: You should check out my MySpace, though.

ME: I don’t have a MySpace. There’s a lot of dangers in putting yourself out there like that. I’d just rather stay away from stuff like that.

HIM: …

Him returns to talking to Her. Him and Her exchange numbers (seemingly against Her’s wishes). Him brags that Him is a sound engineer looking to hire a secretary.

HIM: Do you need a job?

ME: What?

HIM: Do you need a job?

ME: I have a job. Sorry. Continues reading.

Him, again, returns to Her, who is texting furiously. 

HIM: Wow. Are you texting a novel?

HER: No. I’m just texting three different people. 

HIM: Well now that you have my number, you can text four people.

Me quietly laughs.

HIM: Did you see Notorious?

HER: I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that.

HIM: You’ve heard of it, right?

ME: I’ve HEARD of it, but it looked like too much for me, so I didn’t see it.

HIM: Do you know anything about Puff Daddy?

ME: I know he’s been through many identity crises, but that’s about it.

Him turns away from Me and continues talking to Her about the movie, spewing out random facts about Biggie and TuPac, and whatnot. Him leaves to go to class. Me and Her start talking. Her says Her is NOT going to be calling Him, and wonders why Him didn’t pick up on that when Her started texting someone every time Him was talking. Me then tells Her that Me has a mouth like a sailor, often loves hip hop, knows more about Puff Daddy than Her might think, and also likes to make things awkward. Her laughs. Me leaves for class feeling slightly giddy.



6 thoughts on “Me also likes to make things awkward

  1. Just flat funny. There’s nothing quite so satisfying as polite snarkiness – particularly when you knowed you’ve outclassed your opposition so completely. Great post!

  2. This is absolutely wonderful. A hilarious scene; I wish I had been there to see it in person. And you portrayed it so beautifully with the “HER,” “HIM,” and “ME.” Good storytelling, my friend.

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