Make me hapy, baby

There has been too much sadness in the past two three weeks.  An unbearable amount.  I’ve never felt so much like I couldn’t handle what was happening in my life.  I even called out from work.  If you know me, I do not do this.  I’ve worked six or seven days a week, every week, for five years.  Food poisoning, I told them.  Ruined an entire day for everyone else.  Just couldn’t take it.

But it has all passed.  It is over.  I am myself.  I smile and I mean it.  Even though it did not end well, and it happened all too recently.

Goodbye, Rich Lewis.  I loved you like family.  You were always there for me in every way.  I will take your advice where you could not follow.  And I will be happy with my decisions and my life, because that is, after all, what it about.  It’s all part of the story.

Last week I came across this.   If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have no vocal chords… and you’re laughing silently.

You also need to watch this:

to go along with the “Im on a boat” from last week.

While on a buisness trip in Salt Lake City a couple of years ago, I snuck out for a smoke to end up next to the following conversation:

“…so all the big-wigs got together and changed our entire shipping and receiving department”

“Yeah… why do they call them ‘big-wigs’? is it because they all wear wigs?  I mean, Jim doesn’t wear a wig does he?  I think that’s his real hair.”

“You know, i’m not really sure.”

“I don’t think any of those guys do.  One of them is bald.  That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Maybe it’s because they’re all tall… because wigs make people taller.”

“Well… you said it.”

While at my Starbucks not that long back, the guy that sits in front of the Subway next door approached me.  I assumed he was going to ask me for a ride, or snacks, as he often does.  Yes snacks.  He asks for snacks.  Not a specific snack of any kind.  “Hey, do you have snacks or munchies you could give up?”…He saw me fiddling with my new iPhone (call me a sell-out if you have to, but i’m still better than you because of it) and told me he could get me a new phone for pretty cheep.  No thanks, I said, my phone is new, and delightfully fun.  I’m not so interested in a new one.  He asked who my carrier was and I told him that it was through AT&T.  He pointed out the tragedy of my decision in a ten minutes clinic on Sprint’s superiority as a carrier as well as the ease at which you could cheat them out of getting a cheap phone, filling up the data card with all of the information you could cram on to it, and then, at a later time, getting the phone you really wanted in the first place, switching the cards out, and then, yes then, you could have both the phone you want as well as all the precious info you stored on the card.  Genius.  Until I explained that he was suggesting I purchase two cellular phone, to get the one I wanted and could have just gotten in the first place.  As was the case with my new iPhone.  He became very silent.  Well, if you want a new phone, he told me, just give me a call.  I also fix computers.  I can get rid of all kinds of viruses.  And I do it for free.  You take it here, you take it there, they charge you up the ass and don’t even fix the problem.  But I can.  Like I said, for free even.  Like this one guy from my church group, (remember this) i fixed his home computer in like three hours.  Got rid of all that shit. I told him that I did not have a computer.  He became silent again.  Well, I also deal in other lucrative means of products. As much as I wanted i did not correct his grammar.  you know what i mean.  And i’m not talking about and of that cheap shit.  I mean, (here it comes) like KFC bucket fulls of coke man.  I mean, I got it snowing from my ears. I wanted to suggest it may just be dandriff, but i but my tongue.  Instead I told him I didn’t really know anyone that may be interested.  Well, let me give you my number just in case… Put it in there as… Tommy Versetti… yeah… two t’s… like I said man, you could bath in this shit. Now, let me go back to where this is the guy that sits on the ground in front of Subway on Euclid and Chapman and asks passers by for snacks.  or munchies.  Really?  and then I pictured myself in a bathtub full of cocaine.  I imagine it would be much like bathing in baking flower.  Not totally sold on the idea…

We’ll end with this

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3 thoughts on “Make me hapy, baby

  1. Is that the guy who was playing Yu Gi Yo cards? He has access to a “KFC bucket fulls of coke?” Wow. Who knew.

    I love Jizz In My Pants.

    The other two links, I haven’t looked at yet, mostly because I don’t really have time. But when I do…I will definitely look. I can’t wait!

    It was nice to read your writing again. I really missed it.

  2. Man, SnackGuy sounds way more awesome than RocketScientistGuy. Clearly I’m kicking it in the wrong hood.

    Also, two comments in one day, I guess, means that the ‘netstalk is in full force? I just wanted to say that. I like to keep all my creepiness out front. :)

  3. I’m sorry about the unbearable amount of sadness.

    And I agree with Erin, yea hooray for you posting again. I missed it, too.

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